Fear and Loathing at Jacque's Birthday Party

Okay...so all of this happened over a week ago (lol). My intention has been to write this for a week now. But I've had some more games to go to and when I've been home, I've been too tired. I was gonna pound it out on Thursday night after I wrote about game 7 of the Seattle/Portland series. But I fell asleep (lol). I think I spent most of my time at home last week sleeping off all the effects of last weekend. Hell, Emily called me from Calgary on Monday when she was at the Flames/Red Wings game (which I was watching on tv at the time) and she woke me up. I was so out of it, it took me a few seconds to be able to gather my wits so I could comprehend what she was asking me...what kind of shirt do you want? (lol)

So anyway, as I sit here and start typing this, I'm not sure how detailed things will be. I'll probably miss a bunch of key stuff. But the meat and potatoes will be there.

Friday, March 31

Game 4 of the Seattle/Portland series down in the Rose City. Seattle won the game, 6-3. The entire match was a minor-penalty fest. Referee Chris Savage was calling players for just sneezing. It was just insane. There were some obvious calls. Some that were borderline (in that maybe you call them in the regular season, but not in the playoffs). And others were just plain head-scratchers. My theory on it is that it was the last day of the month and Savage still had a way to go in order to meet his penalty quota for the month.

Tom went with me down there that night. Originally, he was supposed to do the driving. But when I walked outside to get into his Explorer, he was standing there alone waiting for me. It turns out that he wanted ME to drive. That scurvy bastard. He took the day off and he told me that since I had done the driving last weekend, he would take the wheel down to Portland. But I guess not. My plan was to try to catch a few z's in the passenger seat since I was really tired from not only going down there earlier in the week, but also from doing all the driving the previous weekend.

My best plans were foiled again (lol).

So being that we were already late, I still had to get some cash from the bank AND fuel my car up (since the "Low Fuel" light had just popped up on my dashboard). So now we were even later in getting down there. We still got there in plenty of time, though. But it was about 6:45 instead of the usual 5:45 I usually get there after work.

Tom is also going with me down there next Thursday for game 5 of the Portland/Vancouver series. This time, I told him he's driving or he's not going (lol).

The funniest part of the night came during the 1st intermission. Kurt, Tom and I were walking around the club level concourse to meet up with Kurt's parents. Kara called while me while we were walking and kept telling us to stop where we were so she wouldn't have to catch up with us. But we just kept on walking (lol). When we got to Mr. and Mrs. Williams, we chatted with them for a couple minutes before Kara finally came hobbling up to us. When she got there, she whacked the three of us in the knee with one of her crutches (lol).

So as we were walking away from Kurt's parents, Tom decided to get some revenge on her. So when she turned to walk away with us, he held back for a second and then gave her a light kick in the ass. "What did you do that for" she asked him. "That's what you get for hitting us in the knees like that" Tom replied. So she whacked him again. And then he kicked her in the ass again. "Tom...you're in so much trouble" she said. "How much" Tom asked her back before landing another foot on her butt. Kara started giggling and said "ALOT"!. So Tom gave her another boot. By that time, we were laughing pretty hard and all that senseless violence came to a merciful end.

And for the record, Tom was gracious in defeat towards Earlene Williams. "Tom told me about you winning line of the year" he told her. "It was a good one. I'll give it to you this time". See.....he's a good loser (haha).

Saturday, April 1

Thankfully, I had the day off at work. So I was able to sleep in a little bit. I had been invited to Jacque's birthday party earlier in the week. And the first phase of it started at 1:00pm. I was a little late getting there due to some unforseen problems, but I still got there alot earlier than I thought I would.

On my way up there, Kurt called me and told me that he had decided to head up to the game in Seattle that night. This came as a bit of a shock for me since he had just told be the night before that he swore he would never go to another game in the Key Arena again. Especially since they had taken out the old club seats which were wider than the usual seats in the arena. That and he's had some trouble's with a couple Seattle fans in the past.

And I don't think I had told him that I had Jacque's party to go to the night before. He had already bought his ticket down in Portland and he was already heading up here early. So since he was gonna be in Seattle really early, I told him that I would stick around for the early part of Jacgue's party until about 3:00 or so, then go meet him at the Lake Union Hooters.

When I got to Jacque's apartment, Emily, Kristi and Jacque's mom were already there. And from what I could tell and from what they were saying, Jacque's mom was already drunk (lol). She was just sitting in the chair watching the remake of "The Amityville Horror". I was kinda watching it, too. Just another horror movie.

As time went along, more and more people showed up. Her brother showed up with his little dog. It was kinda funny watching the dog and Jacque's cat kinda eye each other, wondering what to make of the other.

She got one funny gift from someone. It was this little mechanical dog that you attatched to things and watch it dry-hump whatever it's hooked up to. I wouldn't mind walking down the street with that clinging to my leg just to see people's reactions.

So after a couple hours of the "How-Do-You-Do" chit-chat, 3:00 rolled around and I excused myself so I could go meet Kurt in Seattle. Now, I don't know my way around Bothell all that well. But near the main road just a few blocks from Jacque's place, there was a sign pointing west that says "Seattle". Feeling adventurous, I decided to follow that sign back to I-5. It probably got me there alot sooner that I would have if I had gone back onto I-405 like I had originally planned.

We sat there at Hooters, watching the basketball games on tv. And it occured to me that this was only the 3rd time I had been there all season long. Hooters used to be part of my pre-game ritual. But it hasn't been this season. The only other times I was there this season was the one time back early in the season when Tom craftily landed us free beer for our stay that day. And one other time back in January when Sharon went to a game with me. I don't know. Perhaps the luster of the place has just worn off. I mean, the weekend before when we were in Boise, I spent a good chunk of the time texting with Emily rather than engage in our usual behavior.

Don't get me wrong...I'm still gonna visit Hooters (especially while I'm on the road...lol). But it just doesn't seem as unique as it used to. And it still beats going to Applebees or Ruby Tuesday's (haha).

When we were done with that, we headed over to the Seattle Center. We hit the arcade over by the Space Needle and played some air hockey. I won the first game, like, 7-4. But Kurt took me in the second game, 7-5. That second game was HORRIBLE! Out of Kurt's 7 goals, I knocked about 5 or 6 of them in myself. And I think 4 of my goals were knocked in by Kurt's actions (lol). But hey...we never claimed we were pro's at that game.

As we were walking over to the Key, we noticed that the Winterhawks were out in the grass field by Fisher Pavillion playing soccer. Although it seemed as if they weren't playing all that hard, the competition was still spirited (how does that sound for a soccer term?). The entire time we were watching them, we were wondering what would happen if one of them got injured during their little match. When they were done and as we made our way to the front door, I told Kurt "at least they've replaced their pillow fights".

We walked around inside the Key for a while after we got there. Kurt didn't feel like sitting down in the cramped seats. Along the way, we ran into Jacque and so I got to introduce the two of them for the first time. A little later as Kurt and I were standing over by the puck-shoot area, Jacque came around with Emily. "Guess what" she asked me. I shrugged my shoulders as I'm not that good with guessing games. "You missed me downing 4 shots of Jagermeister at Jacque's". I leaned over to take a whiff of her breath to see if she was telling the truth...and she was (lol). And you could also tell she was drunk by the way she jumped in the air, again. "Oh man" she said, "I thought you were trying to kiss me". I told her I wasn't and that I was just smelling the liquor. We all laughed and they walked away. I turned to Kurt after that and said "oh yeah...that was Emily". "Why didn't you inroduce me" he asked. I told him that I didn't have a chance to. I guess he accepted that (lol).

We decided to take one last lap around the place before the game started. On the west side of the Key, we saw Kristi walking in with her new boyfriend. She saw Kurt and ran up and jumped on him (lol). They talked for a couple seconds before she introduced Kurt to her bf, Matt. She didn't introduce him to me, though. But I didn't think much of it. I mean, she doesn't get to see Kurt alot anymore.

Kurt also got a sampling of who I hang out with during intermission...Jeff and Jennifer. They were their normal selves; Jeff making lewd comments, Jennifer giving him dirty looks (lol). Elspith's boyfriend, Bill, was also out there. At one point during the 2nd intermission, Jeff said something and Bill stepped between him and Jennifer to try to thwart any "violence". That was a bad choice as Jennifer wound up "accidently" kneeing him in the nuts. Bill doubled over in pain and Jennifer was asking what was wrong. "You kneed him in the nuts" I told her. "Did I really hit him" she asked. Bill looked up all red-faced and muttered out "yesssss". She apologized while Jeff laughed at him (lol).

As for the game, Portland won 3-2 on a late power play goal. For some odd reason, T-Birds defenseman Benn Olson shot the puck up and over the glass for a delay of game penalty and the Hawks Brandon Dubinsky scored the game-winner on a slap shot from the point. Dubinsky also scored all three of Portland's goals in the game. But all through the 3rd period, I kept thinking that the game was gonna go into overtime. It just had that look and feel to it. But after Olson took that penalty, I told the guy sitting in front of me that, at that point, I knew the Winter Hawks were gonna score. And, of course, they did (lol). I may not know alot about different things. But I've seen enough hockey games in my lifetime to see what could possibly turn the tide of a game.

After the game, Kurt and I stood around our cars and shot the shit for about 15 minutes or so. After he left, I shot off a text message to Jacque asking her if it was okay that I could sleep on her floor if I got too drunk to drive home. She said it wasn't a problem. So back off to Bothell it was for me.

I got there alot later than just about everyone else due to my last visit with Kurt. And when I did, all the "visitor" parking spaces in the lot were taken. So I wound up having to park up on the street. And when I got up to her apartment, the place was already damn-near packed! This wasn't just the small get-together like the afternoon (lol). Which kinda made me nervous. I'm not always that comfortable in large social gatherings like that. Although I recognized alot of the people there from the games (and some others who were their earlier). I just didn't know them.

So I sat there in this chair drinking a Rock Star I had bought at a gas station on my way there, contemplating exactly how long I would stick around. When I was done with that, I tossed the empty can into a garbage bag and went outside to the small cooler on the deck and snagged a Corona out of there. I popped it open with my keychain/can opener and started drinking. Already out there were these two chicks I see all the time in the Key (I think one of them is named Angela. And I have no idea as to what the other ones name is. Even though we exchanged our names. There might be alot of that as this story goes along...lol) and Kristi's boyfriend, Matt. So I stuck around out there for a while talking to them. At one point, Matt told me "you seem like a good guy. You might want to stick around out here for a little bit". I asked him why. "Cause I gotta give Jacque a lap-dance in my thong".

I trusted his judgement in that case even if I had only talked to him for about 5 minutes (lol).

A little bit later, Emily joined us outside. After a couple minutes, Jacque and Kristi came out and ordered her inside so she could watch the lap dance. Emily didn't want to watch it (or so she said...hahaha) and the two of them wound up picking her up by her ankles and wrist's and carried her inside.

I just kept plucking beer after beer out of the cooler. At one point, I cursed because all the regular Corona was gone...only that light shit was left. One of the girls told me to take a Hefe Weizen. So I started in on those (lol).

Talking to those two specifically proved to be interesting. The one of them (who I THINK was named Angela) seemed to already know that I don't have any rooting interest in any of the teams around here. Which I found kinda strange that she would know something like that. She was also telling me I should get back into playing the game "just becuase you love it so much". A point that I told her Kurt presses me about all the time (lol). There were also other things about each of our pasts we had in common that we talked about a little bit. And slowly, as time went along, I realized that I was actaully enjoying myself alot more than I thought I would. Not that I thought I would have a shitty time or anything like that. But maybe...just maybe...I'm a little better in those situations than I gave myself credit for.

I spent most of my time out there on that porch...outside of the occasional run to the loo. But there was just this steady stream of people walking out there for a smoke. So that's just how I met people (lol). There was one guy who moved here from Kansas City. So we talked about that area for a bit. When I told him about all the places I go for various games, he told me that I should get to a Chiefs game one of these days. I told him that, maybe outside of seeing a game at Lambeau Field, Arrowhead Stadium was near the top of my list.

As time went along, Kristi and Matt made their way back out there. Kristi introduced him to the four or five other people out there. But, again, she skipped over me. And I'll admit...that kinda hurt. When you're drunk, things come to mind. And I was standing there wondering to myself why she wouldn't introduce me. Is she embarrassed of me? Maybe Jacque or Emily told him something about us? I really had no clue. But I still felt like a heel there.

But I still stood around out there. Eventually, as people were slowly leaving, it wound up that just Matt and I were out there. We just kinda bs'd about different stuff. He was telling me about his job and that he's into muscle cars and the such. He also told me that he was a sergeant in the Army Reserves. We were out there for a good 15 minutes or so...just the two of us. Talking about whatever came up. He seemed like a good guy.

Moslty, though, I was happy for Kristi in that she has a boyfriend. Since we started to really get to know each other over the last year (in fact, as I write this, it's our one year anniversery of our drunk-fest in Kelowna...lol), I've just really grown to care for her. Not so much as in a "I love her" or "I wanna marry her" kind of way. But more just because I think she's one of the best people I've ever met. But, at the same time, someone who I think could be so much more than maybe she thinks of herself sometimes. And my greatest hope is that with this piece of stabililty that she has found, perhaps she can start reaching some of that potential that I know she has.

Our conversation was eventually interupted when Emily came outside. She said that she had already thrown up once, and she felt like she was gonna do it again. She just leaned over the rail and stood there like that for a few seconds. She never tossed chunks. But she spit alot (lol).

When we made our way back inside, most of the people had left. And those that were still there were getting ready to leave. I sat down in one of the wooden chairs along the wall and noticed this one chick who was holding a plastic container up to her mouth. The container already had some "liquid" in it. And she kept saying that she was about to "do it again". Eventually, the guy from Kansas City and myself helped her up and we led her to the bathroom. Once there, she almost immediately stared vomiting into the toilet. She wasn't the only one, though. In the other bathroom (in Kristi's room) there was another chick with an upset stomach. So we were pulling double-duty on the "too much to drink" front.

I stayed there with the one I helped into the bathroom for a little bit. Basically, I would help her move from leaning up against the wall over to the toilet so she could do her deed in there. And once she would get there, I would hold her hair back so it didn't get any puke in it. She kept telling me that she didn't care about her hair, "but thanks anyway". And she kept thanking me and apologizing to me. "Don't worry" I told her. "I think everyone here has been in your place before". She would tell me "I've never been this drunk before". To which I would answer "well, now you have" (lol).

I mean, she was GONE! And, even though I was feeling alot better, I knew I was still in no shape for the hour drive home. I knew I was staying there that night, so I asked Jacque if she could keep an eye on her while I went and moved my car into the parking lot. I figured since everyone else had left by that point, I could probably find a "visitor" spot to park my car in instead of leaving it on the street.

On my way out there, I kept asking myself "why am I gonna do this"? Not so much attempt to drive my car. I mean, I was still technically drunk. And drunks don't think that clearly (lol). I guess I was sober enough to know that hitting the streets wasn't on the docket. But I was asking that since I didn't even know that girl until about 10 minutes ago. And here I was, with nowhere else to go, still sloshed and about to play nurse to someone who was completely bombed out of her skull.

Then I remembered my mom telling me the story about my step-sister's husband up in Alaska. He had gotten laid-off work one day and he went home and got shit-faced. Enough so that he eventually choked to death on his own vomit (the term of which I know. I just don't know how to spell it). But he probably only died because there was nobody there to help him. And I also thought to myself that I know what it's like to be all alone and wishing someone was there to help you out with whatever...even a little. Living alone, I get that way every once in a while. Not often...maybe three or four times over the last 10 years or so. But enough to know what it feels like.

So as I parked my car and walked back to the apartment, I decided that I would be in this with her for however long it would take. Which, turned out to be most of the night (lol).

When I did get back in there, I just went back to my post. "Thanks so much for this" the girl slurred out. "That's okay. It's not like I have anything else to do tonight" I joked with her. She kinda laughed about as much as she could then asked "what's your name"? "Tom" I said. "Thanks Tom. I'm Megan. I've never been this drunk before". I just reassured her again that this is something most everyone has been through and that there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

I knew she was really out of it because she kept asking me over and over what my name was. I would tell her, then she would tell me hers again. Then she would throw up a little, and tell me again she had never been this drunk and then ask me what my name was. It was a cycle that just kind of went around and around like that most of the night.

After a little bit, I really had to take a piss. Since Kristi was already in bed (she had to work the next day), I told Megan at one point that I couldn't hold it anymore. She told me that it was okay and she leaned herself against the wall so I could get in there. There wasn't much room, so I just kinda straddled the toilet and started going. Right in the middle, she informed me that she had to throw up again. So I pinched it off and let her get back over to the crapper. She did it again, leaned back and asked "what was your name again"? I told her again and she said "okay, Tom, you can continue what you were doing". I kinda smiled at that and followed her orders. So I started going again. But, once again, she interupted me so I had to stop and let her do her thing again.

But this time, she just stayed there. I think she may have actually fell asleep. So there I was, for about another 10 minutes with a bladder that was still 75% full and screaming to be relieved (lol). Finally, Jacque and Emily came out of Jacque's room and said they had to go, too. "How do you think I feel" I told them. "I've been trying to go for the last 15 minutes off-and-on and still can't finish". Emily looked at me and said "dude, you're a guy. Just go outside and piss off the balcony". I looked at Jacque to get her approval, and she kinda nodded at me. So I made a bee-line outside, got to the railing, and let it go (lol). It took a while. At one point, I turned around and saw Emily looking at me from inside. I asked her "wanna come out and get a closer look"? She shook her head and I laughed.

And that was the last contact I had with anybody even half-way sober for the rest of the night. It was about 2:00am by that time. When I got back to the bathroom, Megan was slumped against the wall. It looked uncomfortable, so I went out to the living room and got a pillow and propped it up behind her. After that, I went back out into the hallway and sat down against the wall there. I just sat there staring at her lifeless body for about a minute or so before I passed out.

But I wasn't sleeping for long. I woke up to her pleas to get her back over to the toilet. At one point, I was suprised by how she always had something to come out (lol). But I kept making her sip some Sprite and some water each time after she did that. We all know how much dry-heaves suck. So I was trying to keep her away from doing that.

Finally, right around 3:00am, I decided that I would need a wake-up call. My plan was to leave Jacque's place around 8:00am or thereabouts so I could get on with my Sunday. But the only two people I knew who were up at that hour on a Sunday were Lindsay and my dad. And I wasn't about to call my dad for two reasons. The first being that I would have to call their home number and I didn't want to wake them up. And the other was that I didn't think he would like it none-too-much if I called him at 3:00am all drunk like that (lol). So I figured that I would just text Lindsay and she would read it in the morning. After I was done doing that, I stepped outside to my personal restroom and started peeing down to the ground. Right in the middle of doing that, I got an answer from Lindsay. Excited that there was someone else up that maybe I could talk to (who was sober...maybe. You never know with Lindsay these days, either...lol), I called her right in the middle of relieving myself. But, much to my chagrin, I got her voice mail. I left some strange message where I believe I mentioned that I was in the middle of pissing off a deck at Jacque's place. Perhaps not the best thing to say to one of my best friends, but I can't do anything about that anymore (lol).

I turned on the tv in the living room so I could watch something while waiting for Megan to call for my help again. But I couldn't find the remote control. So I sat there the old-fashioned way and just flipped through them on the set one at a time. I settled on Headline News and watched that over and over again. I must have seen the same stories at least 5 times. Not much changes overnight, that's for sure.

I also spent some time kinda cleaning up a little. Nothing too major. Just getting rid of some empty cans and bottles and stuff like that. Again, I had nothing else to do. So I figured I might as well be a little productive.

Megan finally told me that she thought she was done there and wanted to lay down somewhere else. So I led her out to the couch and covered her with a blanket. She kept telling me that she was cold. But I didn't know where the blankets might me (something Jacque had told me earlier, but I failed to register in my head). So I just went back into the bathroom and got a fresh towel from under the sink. I guess that worked since she never complained about the cold again.

I also got a used towel that was on the rack from the bathroom and laid it down on the floor next to the couch just in case she had to do it again and she couldn't make it in time. In the morning, when Jacque asked me what the towel was for and I told her, she seemed to appreciate that thought.

I curled up in the chair in the living room and we sat there talking about different stuff for a while. She asked me how I knew Jacque. I explained to her that Karin introduced me to Kristi and Emily, and I met Jacque through them. I asked her how she met Jacque and she told me that they met at church. Then she went on this strange rant about how she didn't want to go to church anymore because she was too drunk or something like that (lol). I really didn't know how to respond to that. So I let it go.

The last I remembered, it was about 5:45am. I guess that's about the time I finally passed out in that chair. But it wasn't for long as, just as she had promised, Lindsay called to wake me up (lol). After talking to her for a minute or so, we hung up and I silently cursed myself for asking her to do that. I tried to fall back asleep, but I couldn't. I just laid there in that chair, watching the story about how much invisible mold is in your kitchen on Headline News for the 5th, 6th and 7th time. It's kinda scary, really. Even the woman who seemingly had this nice, clean kitchen had alot of mold in it. But the part that cracked me up was how this one guy had his fly-swatter hanging up with is pans on the wall. When you're tired and recovering from drinking, such things amuse you.

I finally got up and went outside to get a Coke out of the cooler on the deck. As I looked down to the ground, I saw the damage we had done. There were two empty beer bottles, a crushed Red Bull can and all sorts of cigarette butts and bottle caps. Along with my urinating off there all night, I was hoping that whoever lives down there didn't take any barefooted morning strolls outside.

At some point in the morning, Jacque, Emily and a friend of theirs (I think her name is Mia or Mya or something like that), crawled out of their bedroom and made their way out to the living room. Megan woke up still feeling like shit. And I was just plain tired. Jacque announced that she was going to McDonalds to fetch breakfast and it was on her. When asked what I wanted, the only thing I could think of was an Egg McMuffin and some hash browns. I don't eat breakfast at McDonalds. So those were the only two things I could think of that they had.

While Jacque and Emily were gone, Megan decided to take a shower so she could get ready for work. But about 10 minutes in, I could hear her puking again. When she got out of there, she did the wise thing and called in sick for the day.

While we were eating, the girls decided that they wanted to watch a movie. Somehow, they made the decision as to which one mine (lol). So I looked through all of Jacque's dvd's and picked out "The Wedding Crashers" since I hadn't seen that one yet. It was pretty funny. I'll have to buy it for myself one of these days. However, there was one scene where one of the characters had too much to drink and was throwing up. I think Jacque, Emily and myself were all doing our best not to look at Megan. And I think Megan probably knew we were doing our best not to look at her (lol).

Once the movie was over, Emily and Mia (or Mya) had to go. After a couple minutes, I decided I should probably go, too. I'm not sure if it was the case, but at least I started to feel like maybe my stay was wearing out. Not so much that Jacque all of a sudden didn't like me. But I had been there all night. And it was just that time.

So I got my jersey and thanked Jacque for letting me stay there for the night and wished her a happy birthday. I then told Megan goodbye and she thanked me again (by that time, she had remembered my name...lol). And out the door I went.

And as I drove home, I just thought to myself what an amazing 24 hours that had been. I hadn't even thought about writing about it the entire time until Jacque brought it up in the morning. And I still hadn't made my decision when I got home. So I asked her once I did get back to my apartment whether or not she wanted me to write about all this. She said she didn't care. So I did (hahaha).

And I hope I'm invited back for the party next year :)